Karate Kid Remake

   Maybe it's just me, but I truly hate the fact that Hollywood seems to feel the need to remake movies. Of course there are a few exceptions such as the Magnificent Seven and Cape Fear, which are very rare. There are some remakes that are understandably remade such as the recent Clash of the Titans-modern movie advancements would lead you to believe that this would be a graphical improvement. On the other hand there are movies that should never be remade...such as Karate Kid.
   When a movie has such a surprisingly good story and great cast chemistry-you don't remake the movie. Listen Ralph Macchio made only one good movie...so why take that away by trying to improve it. Another thing that bugs me about this-Hollywood has some kind of arrogance for trying to make us believe that Jackie Chan will be a better Mr. Miyagi than Pay Morita. At the end of the day the Karate Kid remake will be another blunder in movie making judgment.

Is pre-marital sex good or bad?

Recently I found myself in an odd discussion about the benefits of pre-marital sex. For some strange reason I allowed myself to stay in a conversation with a overly religious individual, this act was my obvious first mistake. According to this person god feels a need for us to abstain from sex before marriage.
Now you can probably predict what I had to hear next-the whole virgin Mary story made a appearance. In my opinion things didn't go down the way the bible depicts. Mary didn't have "immaculate conception", but in fact she must have conceived a child from someone other then her partner and needed some kind of excuse in order to not lose her husband Joseph. In a way Joseph is the king of all gullible people out there.
Now, after listening to all this foolishness, more foolishness followed. The flurry of advantages came into the conversation. An obvious way to prevent catching a STD, I just figured a condom would solve that outcome. Abstaining would make you and your partner feel closer. I believe there were more examples, but this is the moment that my mind faded out.
I always compared sex to buying a car. Don't you want to try it out before you purchase it. You want to know if your the right fit for each other and sex plays a factor. At any rate, I loath talking to people who are extremely religous.

I love Texas slogans.

Here is a few Texas slogans that make me laugh:
1. Don't mess with Texas.
2. Remember the Alamo.
3. Every thing is bigger in Texas.
3. State of the arts.
4. It's like a whole other country.
I like how they don't want you to mess with their state even though their state battle record is 0-1. "Every thing is bigger in Texas", really? They want to brag about being an obese state. I guess in Texas' eyes being known for taxidermy allows them to be the "state of the arts". Now, I will agree with one of their slogans-they are whole other country in so many "special" ways. Please keep in mind, I'm not Texas bashing-I'm just admiring their beliefs.

Memorial Day lost it's meaning?

   I always thought Memorial Day was a time to honor and remember the men and women who have died to protect our country. This no longer seems to be true for most people. Memorial Day has now turned into a reason for people to have a long weekend. For the majority of the population it is not spent visiting a cemetery and gracing these fallen heros with a gesture of flowers. In fact we now honor them by sleeping in late and sponging as much food and alcohol as we possibly can.
   So how did it get this way? It's simple, we're a selfish society, with a short attention span for importance. Sure  briefly after any war this holiday has meaning and then soon after our dementia kicks in. We only have ourselves to blame...we just don't care about anyone else but ourselves.
  There is only one way to solve this problem. Switch the day it lays on. Eliminate the opportunity for our memory to slack off. Place it in the middle of the week, this way people are forced to acknowledge the meaning without only thinking of partying. To bad this will never happen, consumers spend way to much money being gluttons on memorial weekend. In the end...money will always topple memory.

Celeb Death Plague Continues

Unlike Gary Coleman, the latest celeb death is much more memorable. Dennis Hopper passes away of prostate cancer at the age of 74. I don't mean to belittle Mr. Coleman but Dennis hopper was a good actor who truly deserved to be called a "actor". He was a rebel on and off screen, while never deviating. It's hard to fathom that a man who consumed more alcohol and drugs then most junkies in lifetime would go down from balls cancer. To Mr. Hopper I say Don't go on the bus or drive that motorcycle past 1960's hillbillies. <-----pitiful movies references

Another Dead Celeb

Is it me or does it seem like the black plague is striking the celebrity nation. So many famous individuals appear to be dieing lately. The most recent seems to be Gary Coleman from the 70's show "Different Strokes". The only thing he'll probably be remembered for is his quote, "what u talking about Willis". All I have to say is happy trails to you sir.

Commercial Conspiracy?

     Maybe it's just me, but why is it that every TV channel seems to have their commercials on at the same time. I'm one of those people who like to have a back up show on TV that I can flip to when a commercial pops on. Although lately what seems to be a united stand by cable to allow me to do this has come to an end. Sure this makes sense for the stations, it prevents me from leaving their channel. But is this fair? Maybe this is just a coincidence and it's just happening to me. I know what your thinking right now, who cares. Well I do, this really annoys me when I'm eating, because I'm old fashioned and consider watching television while eating to be a way to enhance family bonding...sarcasm. And for those of you who haven't noticed this ever occurring phenomenon...just wait. I guess at the end of the day I'll have to adapt and enjoy the only commercial that seems to be on TV...the dame progressive insurance girl..."discount".

The Demand

Me and my friend made this horrible short clip, it consists of a phone conversation between a kidnapper and the victims father...enjoy.

Checkers Indeed

     Who could have imagined that the game checkers has been around since 3000B.C. This is a great game that allows even a 4 year old to best an opponent much older. It's a game that looks like no strategy is needed when in fact there is.
     For one thing who can deny the pleasure of a triple hope, or love the feeling of saying "king me". Me and my friend entrenched ourselves in a battle of checkers today...and let's just say I should have won. I had two kings to his one and I still lost...I blame it on the motions of the game.
     This is a game that is often compared to chess, but let's be serious checkers is...much better. All I have to say is, I'd rather say king me then check mate.

Beer VS Liquor

Beer versus' liquor is a age old question. Which one is better? For me the answer is beer. Don't get me wrong liquor has it's benefits as far as making you look a lot better to the ladies. But, it's a liver killer and you never know where you're at as far as the level of intoxication that comes over you. It's kinda like a tsunami, you don't see it coming until it's to late and that's when trouble starts for the neighbors pet. With beer your able to see the storm coming and avoid it. As I said earlier liquor does lower a girls expectations...but it also lowers yours, allowing for a troubling morning. For those of you who choose beer...good call. For those of you who pick liquor, then I say good luck with no liver and possibly waking up to a transexual...and a new need for therapy.

Why does grass grow?

What is the reason for grass growing? I could see if your yard was full of cattle, but it's not. In my opinion grass should only grow to a length which prevents the need to mow the lawn. It's as if the yard fairy keeps rubbing Rogain through out it. I'm being driven to thoughts of owning my own goats. Although I really don't want to be the guy on the street with goats...I don't want to be the goat guy. The goat guy is more pathetic then the cat lady. What annoys me on top of this whole excessive grass growing would be the fact that every time I mow the lawn a rock always seems to pop out from under the mower and find it's way to hitting me right in the forehead. To conclude...I loath grass.

Losing something on prom night?

     It's that time of year for all high school virgins to remove that status, that's right it's prom season. Every father imaginable will now add on a new kind of stress, will my daughter be "good".
     This is what every boy has been planning and looking ahead to. First he has to get a tux and find a semi pretty girl that has the possibilities to put out. The ones who landed a girlfriend early on in the year don't have to worry to much, odds are they've all ready experienced crossing the finish line. Second, he now has to find a final destination for after prom "activities". Generally this location is a very seedy motel, because there's nothing like a low class atmosphere to make that girl feel comfortable. Here's a statistic for you, I'm guessing 1 out of every 5 of these kids forgets to wear a condom. And thus carrying on the tradition of teenage pregnancy. Now for another made up statistic, 1 out of every 10 of these kids will lie about "going all the way" on prom night.
     A little advice for all the dads out there who need to know if their daughter is still innocent after this lovely night:
1. If she's out all night, she's no longer a virgin.
2. If she's going with the football captain, she's not a virgin...or bright as well.
3. If she walks in some what early with a disapointed look on her face, she's no longer a virgin...and her date   was rather quick at it.
4. If she walks in wobbling, she lost two versions of virginity.
5. If she lets you know ahead of time that she is staying over her best friends house, then she went on a fake prom date and experiencing her bi-sexual thoughts with her best friend...and is no longer a virgin.
     In closing, happy prom night to all you fathers out there.

Field of Dreams Residence Anyone?

Can you believe the iconic home from the Field of Dreams movie is up for sale? Now try to imagine the price...5.4 million dollars! I wonder if it comes with the 1919 White Sox. Do they really think that someone will bite on that price in a economy where Nicolas Cage can't even afford to keep his home. Why can't the voice in the sky tell the home owners "if you lower, it will sell". I guess the owner is fed up with a bunch of drunk an unruly baseball players coming out of their corn field. At the end of the day it's a unique home but way over priced.

Kendra Wilkinson Sex Tape

Here's some shocking news, another celebrity sex tape is being leaked out. Kendra Wilkinson the former playboy playmate and star of a pointless reality show apparently is the latest celebrity to be bitten by the sex tape bug. At least this one will be classy, one of the porn giants Vivid has their hands on it...wait did I really say classy. Well at least she is following the same path as other important individuals like Paris Hilton, sorry I meant to say useless not important. All I'm hoping for is some good acting in this video.

Walking through a web.

   Why do spiders always make a web directly in the path that we choose to walk in?
   For one thing I hate and fear them and secondly they bite.
   I was walking alongside my fence and shed yesterday...which is prime real estate for these beasts and bam a darn spider web. After realizing this I did what every "man" does...screamed and ran around like a nut job. The fact that I have to react this way baffles me. I'm sure we all know that this isn't the end of this "great" time. The web always remains on you after you react and knowing this leads me to believe that the spider is still lurking on my body some where. Which in all likely hood wasn't even on the web anyways. So now comes a new reaction...the spinning in a circle and inspecting every part of your body. As soon as your calmed down and realize the spider is no where to be found you begin to hope know one witnessed the whole scene. At the end of the day boo to spiders.

Is Maxim confused?

Maxim recently published their hot 100 list and I'm a big confused. How is Katy Perry number one on their list? Sure she is kinda hot but really, prettier than Megan Fox. And how the heck is Ke$ha on the list, she looks like a female John Travolta. Also, I find it really hard to respect any women who can stand Russell Brand.

Bees in Cars

Why do bees always find a way to fly into the open window of your car when your in hot pursuit to go somewhere? I'm allergic to them and have a hidden suspicion that they hate me. Then again I feel that most insects hate me for some odd reason. Anyways, there really is no solution to the bee in car scenario once there in the moving car. For one your hands are on the wheel, thus allowing you defenseless barring you have mind powers...but I'm not a marvel hero. Second, you cant talk it out of the car. If a negotiation was possible I wouldn't know what to say. I'm going to invent something...wow I'm so motivated right now.

Can the elderly host a show?

I'll be honest, until tonight I rarely get excited to watch an episode of Saturday Night Live. Betty White is gearing up to host this weeks show. At age 88 she will be the oldest host yet. Now I only periodically watch the show and it's really just to see the digital shorts. But tonight i want to see Betty White excel which I expect her to. It also doesn't hurt to have Jay-Z perform, who could be the only rap artist that I can stand. I guess we'll see how the former Golden Girls actress performs. Tonight will be one pf the few times a cheer for the elderly...I hope she can remember her lines.

Mothers Day?

Sunday is Mothers Day which has me thinking. Why is it on a certain day of the year? To me this holiday is different for every mother. Shouldn't mothers day be based on your child's birthday, because technically that is the day you become a mother. This would make sense, you could kill two birds with one stone. Than again this would allow more then one mothers day for some. Should we have a "you can't be a mothers day" also? I mean there are women out there who can't have a child, so in a way they are getting ripped off and given a reason to be depressed about. I say heck with mothers and fathers day, big whoop your semen and ovaries work...who cares.

Lawrence Taylor sexually sacking little girls?

Lawrence Taylor has long struggled against the addictive grip of drugs, but now is allegedly taking on 16 year old girls. According to ESPN a 16 year old girl was delivered to Mr. Taylor at the Holiday Inn and sexually assaulted. The good thing is she got paid 300 bucks. This is why I refuse to stay at a Holiday Inn, to much underage sexual assaults. I guess she didn't see LT blitzing and really took a hit. One can only wonder what life has in store for LT, maybe he'll start a cult...hmmm.

Cows and Horses Horny?

A quick video from me and my friend...and yes we we're really bored.

Is it safe to fish?

Why do people choose to fish in area's where the water is clearly polluted? I have scene some people throw their pole in some pretty ha-nus rivers. Seeing this makes me wonder, do they catch and release or catch and eat....hmm. Seeing this sparks me to give people a few tips on when not to fish at certain spots.
1. When the area is not inhabitable for mosquitos...you might not want to fish there.
2. When you don't hear a frog...you might not want to fish there.
3. When the water doesn't move...you might not want to fish there.
4. If you don't see a elderly man trying to give advice on how to fish in a area....you might not want to fish there.

Did the King of Pop like a nice "man mop"?

I think it's funny that all the media is talking about right now is whether or not Michael Jackson was gay. Does it really matter? The man did a lot for this world. He brought us great music, which made the world come together at times. Michael Jackson broke the stigma about grabbing your crotch every ten seconds in a music video. He allowed children a chance to spend a night in his bedroom with him, even though they probably had to perform some acts that they may never forget...but still. He showed parents everywhere how to dangle their child over a balcony. He was a pioneer at plastic surgery, showing how bizarre it can actually make you look....we now know to much is to much. So was he gay? My answer would be...who cares! He talked like a girl, loved little boys and grabbed his junk every ten seconds...you put it together.

Olympic Stripping

I came across an article about a Chinese athlete being stripped of a 2000 bronze Olympic medal recently. Dong Fangxiao which is a female athlete just to help you out regarding the gender, because this name does not allow you to decipher whether they are male or female. Apparently she was 14 at the time, but the minimum age for gymnasts to compete is 16. What I don't get is why we have to take her medal away. Shouldn't she get an extra medal for being younger and still winning. Now I'm not trying to be racist but it is really hard to gage how old a chinese girl is between the ages of 10 and 29. To sum it up, Dong should get a double medal.

How does the idiot cross the road?

I realized something today, there is a good amount of people who don't know how to cross a street. Listen, it's really easy, just look both ways and if the coast is clear...cross the road. To help many of you out I will explain the incorrect ways many of you choose.

1. If a car is near you...hurry, don't continue at a annoyingly slow pace.
2. Don't do the pointless two foot run and then continue to walk.
3. Walking into the road without looking and talking on your cell phone is another negative.

If you are an individual who crosses the road in one of these ways then all I have to say to you is, "I hope you get hit by a car".

Stare to stop Solor Flare

It's time to readjust your telescope from it's fixed view of your hot neighbors bedroom and into the sky. Our planet needs saving from sun storms before they cause damage to earth. The Royal Observatory in Greenwich, London is asking for a few hours of your time to view the sun. All you need to do is log on at www.solarstormwatch.com.

Tito Ortiz vs Jenna Jameson

Who would win a fight between a UFC fighter and a porn star? I guess police were called to the homestead of Tito Ortiz and Jenna Jameson monday morning. This is appearing to be a case of domestic violence. Her body has taken a sexual pounding from men for the past 10 years, now it's taking violent pounding as well. See what happens when you pick a career like legal prostitution ladies. I'm sure other UFC fighters will be thinking a lot less of Tito now that he is choosing women as sparring partners.

Hugh Heftner to the Rescue

With the ever growing fear that the Hollywood sign's location would soon be swarmed with luxury homes a group of fundraisers collected the needed 12.5 millions dollars needed to purchase 138 acres that sites behind it. The group received a 900 thousand dollar donation from a legend...Hugh Heftner, thus allowing his continuous climb up the mountain to sainthood. We will no longer think of him as just a developer of great "assets", but also a true hero.

End of the World?

Our world is going to be either a world full of ice or extremely hot. With this said, I believe this world will end eventually...but it's physical outcome makes me wonder. Given this do we really need to put our hopes in theories? The most recent opinion is 2012...but doubtful. Our computers didn't crash leaving our society in chaos like we we're led to believe in 2000. We will always have people who will predict the end of civilization(who are really profit seekers), who copy information from society's who reached the level of our third world countries. In my opinion we should focus more on our present state and less on comic book thoughts.

Lindsay Jobless Lohan

Well it's official Lindsay has been fired from the only movie chance she has had since 07's "I know who killed me". It's a shame she got an opportunity to star in a movie with a rejuvenated Woody Harrelson. She really needs some kind of help, either for her drug addictions or mental state. But lets be honest how do you get help when you have the parents she has. I don't want to be mean but her next stop is either prostitution or suicide. Well cheers to you miss has been and current miss washed up.

Nerd News

Sad news for Trekkies around the world. A man who was a hero to so many people who only left their room  for movie releases and conventions has retired. That's right none other then Leonard Nimoy, also known as Spock from the hit TV series and movies Star Trek. Who can blame him? The man is 79 years old and is type casted to play characters with pointy ears and cool hand gestures. I guess it's only a matter of time before Chewbaka retires as well.

Sports-Classics Skit on Saturday Night Live

I was watching Saturday Night Live this weekend and I saw the funniest clip. The commercial that was being plugged by the two announcers (Will Forte and Jason Sudeikis) was hillarious. Although, I haven't been as big of a fan as I used to, I have to say with the digital shorts and some strong characters lately I feel the show might be getting it's act together again. You can check out more clips at www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live.

Larry King of Marriages

Despite having a ton of money and very classy suspenders, he just can't make a marriage last. Mr. King is now going on his sixth divorce. When will he realize that these women are not wedding him for his bat like looks. But I guess there is hope for his current marriage, they are currently going to counseling. Now that I think about it this just makes me laugh, does he really think a counselor can talk her into thinking he isn't pushing 95 years old. But I do have to solute you Larry King, you are proving that a old man with a need to wear suspenders can get a lot of ass baring your worth a ton of money....so here's to you cheers.

Facebook Annoying?

Why is facebook so annoying, well really it's not facebook but the crud that people have to force people to read. Once a week I am going to add a pointless phrase that people leave and pray they stop. My first pointless phrase is, " at the gym". For real, do you think anyone cares? We don't need these idiotic updates. Great your at the gym, do we need to know? Go to the gym and shut up about it! These pointless updates drive me nutes and I'm sure everyone else.I have a million more of these so stay tunned.

ESPN Streak

Has anyone else played the beat the streak contest on ESPN? IF you haven't and are a sports fan then I suggest you give it a shot. They give you a few select games each day and you pic one or more as soon as the gma efor your first pic has finished. The person with the longest win streak each month wins a 100K. Even if your not a sports fan try it anyways, it doesn't hurt to make a ten second guess to win some money. Go to http://espn.go.com/ and in the middle of the main page will show a link to it.

Who is the better Robin Hood?

I was looking at trailors for upcomming movies and came across Robin Hood. I guess Russell Crowe is starring in the soon to be released movie. It looks ok, but come on really, do they think they can make a better version then Kevin Costners. In my opinion you should have to waite at least 30 years before making a remake. But I guess Hollywood is running out of idea's and regurgitating past ideas. But then again I could be wrong and this could be a box office hit.

Brian Regan

I don't know if any of you have heard of him but this is by far my favorite stand up comedian Brian Regan. This guy is so hillarious and witty, check him out.

Why is Kate Gosselin so interesting to people? How bored is our society , people spend to much time paying attention to this pointless individual. The only thing she can do right is give birth to way to many kids...eight of them...he vagina was like a assembly line. She was on the show I loath...Dancing with the Stars...hmmm "stars". She is on so much crap right now that it makes me wonder how much time she spends with her kids. I would think eight kids should take up a whole days worth of attention...but not for her. Than again I'm sure it's easy to pawn your children off to a few nannies. She was on the Jay "moon chin" Leno show recently(he clearly can't get anyone to go on his horrid show) and was asked what her ex's job was and she didn't know. Is she that unaware of what is going on in her life. To sum things up, I think this lady is pointless and perplexed as to how she is blowing up every where.

Sardinless?

Well, I just read some sad news, the last sardine cannery in the US has been shut down. There is now a limited amount of herring that fishermen are allowed to catch and a company can't survive on having restrictions on their production. Keep in mind this isn't the only reason, sales have slowed down dramatically since people began to realize two things: they are kinda gross and who wants to eat a slimy half fish out of a small can while avoiding that stupid bone inside it.

A life gamble when buying a car?

Why is it that every time I read the news a different car model is now considered dangerous. Currently the Lexus GX 460 is being labeled by the "consumer reports" as unsafe. Are the three stooges designing and building our automobiles. Recently Toyotas were a crap shoot to drive with their out of the blue acceleration. It's getting to the point where it's safer to drive a military vehicle in Iraq then you do of buying and cruising away from the car lot with a new car.
Although, we have to put a little of the blame on ourselves, we're coming to a point where we can't drive a car unless there is as much electrical capabilities as the Star Ship Enterprise from Star Trek. We used to be able to navigate the seas by use of the stars, now we can't even navigate streets without GPS. How dependent will we become?

A drunk friend.

Why is it that whenever a friend is really drunk they have to fall on the ground and spend some time down their. And it is not a normal stay on the ground, it's a 25 minute visit of struggling and yelling.

Dancing with the Useless

I'm wondering why they don't rename this show. In my opinion they should change the name to " Last Chance for C-List Celebs to be on TV".

Nice weather has arrived..

You know the weather is officially here when you have that first really nice day out and every one is outside doing yard work. I think as a society we are universally conditioned to do yard work on the first nice day of the year. Another way to determine it's arrival is by the abundance of children outside. It's comparable to bees swarming out of their hive. This must be a national holiday for parents.

Man VS Wild

I was watching man vs wild last night, which is about a completly insane guy name Bear Grylls who gets dropped off in some remote area and armed with whatever he has on him he makes it to civilization in a few days. After watching one of the episodes yesterday it reminded me of a video that I made with my friend spoofing this show. So, enjoy the bad acting and script.


Panda Seals In The Wild - The best free videos are right here

The sky as a mood ring.

I wish the sky had the same ability as a mood ring. This would make women much easier to deal with. Just imagine, you wake up in the morning and look outside and discover that the sky has a positive color, you would now know that your girlfriend is in a good mood. Now if the color was a negative color than you would know ahead of time that she is going to be in a pissy mood...allowing you ample time to prepare and even dodge her until the color improves. If life was only that simple.

My first post.